Here’s why I will never become a doctor:
Step 1: Fall off a ladder onto hard surface, leading to serious back pain.
Step 2: Make the brilliant, intuitive, well-informed self-diagnosis that nothing could be broken.
Step 3: Wait a good three months, then finally seek a “second opinion” from a real doctor when things aren’t getting a whole lot better.
Step 4: Find out, via x-ray, that you’ve actually had a broken back all along (technically, a compression fracture of vertebra L1). D’oh!
Step 5: Enroll in a 12-Step program for Dummies (although a T-shirt informs me that You Can’t Fix Stupid). Also, start physical therapy tomorrow. Finally.
This is as close to Breaking Bad as I’ve gotten all year. If I ever try to play doctor again, please remind me that I’m Faking Bad.
Moral of the story: If I could sue myself for malpractice, I’d win. Shoulda faked being a lawyer instead…