This past weekend, I lost a friend to suicide.
Despondent over painful issues in his personal and family life, this man – a well-respected businessman who was loved and respected by hundreds – ended his own life.
Trey Pennington was a friend and social media collaborator, someone I had begun to know over recent years and wanted to know much better. I, and many others, will miss him deeply. The sorrow at this loss, and the angry sting of knowing that this gracious gentleman was finally overcome by depression and personal grief, has led me to take action on something I’ve put off long enough.
No-one can stop the wholesale carnage caused by depression each year. But maybe, by telling my story, I can help someone here or there who is living under dark clouds and doesn’t know what to do.
I lived under those clouds for decades. And, I’m recovering.
After Trey’s passing, I decided that, in his memory, I would finish and publish this story. I had put it on the backburner many times because, to tell the truth, although I have felt for years that I was destined to write in both short-form (blogs) and long-form (books), I was intimidated. My perfectionism – which once fed into depression like gasoline feeds flames – kept me back from writing more than a few posts.
No more. It’s time to take the fight to the enemy and try to take back some prisoners.
I have never been able to forget the wonderful foreword of J.I. Packer’s classic book, Knowing God, where he introduces the volume by saying, “As clowns yearn to play Hamlet, so I have wanted to write a book about God. This book, however, is not it….if what is written here helps anyone in the way that the meditations behind the writing helped me, the work will have been abundantly worth while.”
I feel like a clown among giants when I see the works of real authors. Nonetheless, my story may give understanding to a loved one, or help someone in darkness to face reality and get some help. If so, the work of writing – and the pain of living with depression for so many years – will have been “abundantly worthwhile.”
This is a quick read – maybe 15 minutes. And it has a particular focus on men, who often live in denial about things like depression. It is definitely not a literary masterpiece – it’s primarily a call to action.
The book is free to download and the file may be distributed freely:
Click to download –> Clearing Clouds
We can’t bring Trey back. But maybe we can pull some others back from the brink.
>> If you want to take a look at signs and symptoms of depression in a quick-read format, WebMD has the following helpful links:
Men and Depression (on the topic of men, this is also quite helpful, from the Mayo Clinic)
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Steve, thank you for this. Thank you, thank you.
Steve –
you made a difference in my life, and prompted me to tell my story. Thank for you writing this and sharing it. I’ll spread the word.
Steve, you are a real author and this book is a beautiful, honest work with a message that many desperately need to hear. You can’t will your way out of clinical depression and it is not cured by what the world considers “success.” I am so glad that you took this giant step of sharing your story and hope that it opens up the conversation for men to offer and receive help.
Steve,
I understand now why you felt compelled to write this but it was scary to do so. You did a wonderful thing with this. Thanks.
Jeannie
Excellent. Thanks for sharing what’s not so easy to share. It’s important for people to know they are not alone and there are ways to get help or change. 🙂
Wow, Steve, this is powerful. I can see this inspiring others who may be going through similar circumstances to have hope that it can get better. I think the most important point you made is that depression is not simply a personal failing – it is a biochemical issue. And it can be fixed. Kudos to you for sharing your story even though it must have been hard to talk about things you’ve been working to hide for so long. By doing so, you are shining a light on the darkness to help others see what might not have been clear to them.
Thank you, Steve.
Trey’s life can never be replaced, but his passing is spurring others on to hope.
It takes courage to share the dark places of our lives. In so doing, you live out your faith and allow God to bless others through your story. Praying many will find life, Life, through your words.
Steve
Thanks for sharing. I am downloading your publication right now.
Steve,
I’m finally commenting. Thank you for sharing.
I’ll miss Trey too, even though I never got to know him all that well — I certainly enjoyed the few exchanges that we had over #SMBBQ. May he rest in peace.
[…] full story is here. This tragedy motivated me to finally finish an e-book about my decades-long battle with […]
Steve, thank you for being so open and giving in your eBook (about so many aspects of your life). I found your sharing very meaningful and highly relevant – only last month someone in my extended family, who was suffering in silence, sadly took his own life.
I now have even more respect for you.
Steve, many thanks for sharing this precious diamond. I’m convinced it will be very useful for other people going through the motions of life. I very much appreciate your effort in telling such an intimate story. Thanks for being such a great human being.
Dear Steve,
Read your ebook aloud today w/others. It fits perfectly into an important post I’m already writing, so I’ll add your book link to that. Glad to join hands to be sure your message is heard. Very well done.
PS: Knowing God was one of the best books I ever read. Wondering if we “clowns” sometimes understand a message from other clowns since they speak our language. God uses every tone of voice He created – and you are certainly an author.
Thank you for sharing this so freely. I
Steve, thanks for writing your experience. I have downloaded your ebook and will be reading it today. I, too, have suffered from depression and because of God (I’m a fellow clown, btw), I am able to write about it. It’s become the launching pad for my life’s mission – Serving Strong.
You are absolutely right: “It’s time to take the fight to the enemy and try to take back some prisoners.”
[…] some pretty breathless posts on depression. The most beautiful posts (to me, anyways) came from one person that is recovering and another that is still very much in the midst of her battle. I will always truly find it […]