Two people can love one another deeply, but still be relatively ineffective communicating it. How?
You haven’t talked dirty enough.
Huh? Isn’t this a family friendly blog? Yep, it is. But we’re talking soil here. Let me explain.
My wife and I have always enjoyed a close friendship. But beneath the surface, we kept bumping into an area that was out of sync. How to best express love between us.
A while back, with some level of frustration that explanatory words weren’t doing the trick, I went out to the garage, got a flowerpot that had holes in the bottom, and filled it with loose potting soil. Now imagine what happens when you pour water into such an arrangement. Any plant there would need lots of frequent watering, because the moisture is going to leak out quickly.
Porous soil. Leaky pot. That’s an image of my heart. The imagery finally gave my wife a tangible picture. She, on the other hand, could go for a long stretch with just a little sprinkle – Sandy’s heart held on to small tokens of love without much leakage or evaporation. We had very different watering schedules, very different reinforcement needs – and, we didn’t speak the same love languages when it came to the best ways to show affection. What one thought was perfectly adequate was not, and vice-versa.
We had to talk dirty to really understand each other. The love was there, but the soils were different, and we needed to learn each others’ “dialects.”
If you’re committed to your spouse, you soon find that plenty of your assumptions about what “works” in showing love are blown out of the water, and you have to communicate about what makes each of you tick. Is your soil dry and crumbly, needing lots of water, or does a little moisture go a long way? Does your pot have leaks? What makes your plant flourish, or wilt, or even drown? The sooner your spouse understands how (and how often) to water, the better it will be for both of you.
Because then you’ll probably talk dirty a lot more. But that’s another post…
More lessons from plants? See Robert Hruzek’s post here.