Two people can love one another deeply, but still be relatively ineffective communicating it. How?
You haven’t talked dirty enough.
Huh? Isn’t this a family friendly blog? Yep, it is. But we’re talking soil here. Let me explain.
Some while back, with some level of frustration that words weren’t doing the trick, I went out to the garage, got a flowerpot with holes in the bottom, and filled it with potting soil. Now imagine what happens when you pour water into such an arrangement. Any plant there would need lots of frequent watering, because the moisture is going to leak out quickly.
Porous soil. Leaky pot. That’s my heart. The imagery finally gave my wife a tangible picture. She who could go for a long stretch with just a little sprinkle – whose heart held on to small tokens of love without much leakage or evaporation. We had very different watering schedules, very different reinforcement needs – and, we didn’t speak the same love languages when it came to the best ways to show affection. What one thought was perfectly adequate was not, and vice-versa.
We had to talk dirty to really understand each other, and start learning each others’ “dialects.”
If you’re committed to your spouse, you soon find that plenty of your assumptions about what “works” in showing love are blown out of the water, and you have to communicate about what makes each of you tick. Is your soil dry and crumbly, needing lots of water, or does a little moisture go a long way? Does your pot have leaks? What makes your plant flourish, or wilt, or even drown? The sooner your spouse understands how (and how often) to water, the better it will be for both of you.
Because then you’ll probably talk dirty a lot more. But that’s another post…
————-
Twitter: @swoodruff
More lessons from plants? See Robert Hruzek’s post here.
nice work, Steve. Perfect example.
Excellent analogy, Steve. You have the potential to become a thriving marriage and family counselor if you ever decide to change careers.
Ironically enough, we’ve just started going through The Five Love Languages, so I understand perfectly your analogy. Excellent visual example, too.
Thanks, and a tip o’ the hat for joining in the lessons learned this month, Steve!
[...] Talking Dirty, by Steve Woodruff at Steve’s Leaves [...]
Well done…great reminders!
Steve, loved Gary Chapman’s book and this post is such a beautiful representation of learning to understand your spouse’s language. This truly moved me, bless you!
Steve — I loved your analogy and the message. I think this is so true about relationships. You have to take the time to find what makes each of you bloom:~)
Fabulous analogy, Steve. Yes, marriage takes work and communication. Sometimes we don’t feel like communicating and that’s OK. Acknowledge it and return to the conversation later.